Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.

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(216): View more from Ohio

I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.

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(785): View more from Kansas

I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

It's a Thursday.

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(556): View more from

I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry

(603): View more from New Hampshire

I know. I miss henry.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o

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