did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
