I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
