I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
