I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
