i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
