my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
