yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
