STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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