That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
