i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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