you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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