If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
