Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
