we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
nutella sex= disaster
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
