You're my little dorito
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
