We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
