i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
