My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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