This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
