So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
