need another drink. this is the easiest way
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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