and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
