Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
