he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
