Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize