My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize