I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize