I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
