The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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