Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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