I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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