Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
