She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
