they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
