Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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