My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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