He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
