im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
