I'm going to jail i love you
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize