Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
