Yo dont text me then not text me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
