he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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