Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
