Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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