Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
