On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
