I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
