spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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