Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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