This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
