I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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