we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
