I love black thongs
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
