it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
