it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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