I think im going to throw up on grandma
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
