When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the condom got lost in my hair
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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