your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
