I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
