She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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