i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
