She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
